Come in friend, Welcome! Pull up a chair . . . sit a spell & make yourself comfortable. This is your chance to know me a bit better. The most important part of me . . . the love affair I have with, for & in my Heavenly Father. Hopefully this will succeed in expressing just how I got here, where I have been, as well as how I am growing, where I am going, what the vision is & where my heart stands in faith, obedience, hope, love, & promise.

My spiritual search has been a life long journey and has become a life long pursuit. What's funny is that at first I don't believe I was even aware of it. Although even as a child I felt at times there was someone, something bigger than myself watching over me.

I was born to a mother of Jewish descent which by Jewish law makes me a Jew. I was raised by my mother & adoptive father, he came from a Christian family. Neither my mommie or daddy practiced the religious beliefs of their respective families. As a matter of fact they totally turned against them.

As a child I experienced religion through my grandparents on either side;

I loved going to temple with Grandma Sara, meeting her friends. She always introduced me with an aire of being so proud. I was made to feel special. I remember Friday night sabbath with the food (matzah, chaullah, bagels & cream cheese, lox, struedel), lighting & praying over the candles with grandma, the sing song of the prayers Grandpa Ben would chant & even the awful, sweet wine that passed with the blessing, Chanukah & Passover celebrations . . . family times & traditionalism is what I gained from this. And I cherish it! However, I never understood the language, was never taught the meaning behind all the symbolism or the Jewish religion. I now wish I had been taught more for a fuller understanding.

When on occassion I went to church with Grandpa Gordon & Grandma Eleanor I didn't understand much of this either. I felt out of place in Sunday school. I didn't know any of the children. I didn't know the Bible, didn't know the answers as the other children did. One Sunday I was very excited as I was told I'd be able to attend the big people's church. Unfortunately the pastor preached of fire, hell & brimstone. He told of how if we didn't do this & that we would burn in hell forever. As a child that was very scary. I had heard & thought that God was loving . . . & I decided if that was really what God was about I didn't want to have anything to do with him.

And yet He wouldn't let go of me, wouldn't give up on me, He kept knocking at the door of my heart. Even while I did not yet know the truth of Him & went through many hard things I believe He was right there with me. There are so many things that could've been so much worse.

Grandma & Grandpa gave me my first Bible stories for children & my first new testament Bible, which I still have. I now carry the new testament in my purse always. I also realize now that they were my first prayer champions, praying unceasingly for my salvation. Today I am so grateful for this. What more blessed gift? I also realize they gave me the gift of family as well, being they are my adoptive grandparents. Similar they are to Jesus, who allows us to be grafted/adopted into the kingdom or family of God.

Later I asked my parents about God & religion. Both of them having their own scars concerning religion & family, told me I would have to find the answers myself. It was a very hard thing to have no direction from my parents in this area & yet quite possibly one of the best things. I would never recommend letting a child spiritually flounder. Yet having to look back I know that finding out for myself about God & not just accepting what someone else believed or in my parents case, what they "didn't" believe has made me both strong, knowlegdable, relatable & sure.

I had other influences in my life occassionally when I was young. Like I remember a Brownie camp I got to go one summer that had a Christian basis where I had both good & bad experiences. I went to Campus Crusades a couple of times with friends, but again felt left out not knowing anyone well & because I did not know or understand what the people there knew.

Growing up we always celebrated Christmas at our house. Mostly because as a child, My mom being Jewish didn't get to experience that & once out on her own she decided she was going to have Christmas. And of course dad growing up had always celebrated Christmas in his family. We also celebrated Chanukkuh, but neither held any religious connotations.

When I became a teenager I started searching again. I met a guy who was a Jew for Jesus. I thought that was kinda cool, I could have the best of both worlds. I studied with him a little, but when Mom got wind of this she would not hear of it. In her mind this was a sacrilege. Just as wearing a cross would be.

In 1982 I attended the Church of the Nazarene with a gentleman I was dating. I eventually gave my life to Jesus, I became a member of the choir, went to bible studies, but as a new Christian I felt very little support in understanding what being a Christian meant. The bible was also difficult for me to understand. Then a women in the church who I had come to admire & who had become a good friend, someone of great courage & the strongest example of Christian faith I knew was told by the church elders that her impending marriage to a Christian man who was studying to become a pastor would not be honored because she had been divorced previously. It did not matter that her husband had been unfaithful, that the divorce had not been her choice & that he had left she & their 2 children. This became another turning point for me. Although I wanted God in my life, I believed religion was not for me. That the people in churches were hypocrites.

In further searching I studied over time with Mormons, Baihi's, Jehovah's Witness's, tried different churches, but there was always something missing or not right.

I married a man who professed to be Catholic. We married in a non-denominational Christian Chruch & I felt that God was there with us. We were married for 8 of the 12 years we were together & in that time we maybe went to church 5 times. And then only for special occassions or to take his mother to the hispanic, spanish speaking Catholic church. He resented me wanting to seek out any religious groups, churches or any kind of counsel whatsoever. In retrospect I believe it was one of many ways of keeping me controlled. Even when I asked that we pray together as a couple (because he did claim to pray), that was totally out of the question. The reality was I, myself was confused about my faith therefore not strong in that area. I could not be strong for myself let alone us. Somehow, I think he either did not have a true relationship with the Lord or didn't want to. These things inevitably lead to the destruction of our marriage. For I now know & suspected then that without Jesus in the relationship it doesn't work.

August of 1989 I lost my first child to miscarriage. I believed that God loved me, but I was angry & confused as to why He would bless me with a child & then take it away. I had an even harder time with this when I lost my second, third, fourth & fifth. After my first miscarriage I had my second car accident within 5 years. I had a lot of issues & was dealing with depression off & on.

My life changed dramatically in the time right before my husband asked me for a divorce & during the divorce. Before I had taken a vacation by myself to Oregon staying with my sister & her husband. I was learning positive thinking, gaining myself back & changed my attitudes. During the divorce my attitude changes helped a great deal to get through things. My life was pretty torn up. Everything I knew to be true at that point was ripped from my life. I was ready for Jesus. Funny He was always ready for me.

I was at an Amway convention in 1995, drawn to attend the Sunday services the association holds at conventions. It was there that I went forward & re-comitted my life to Christ. I had wanted to do so a year before at a similar convention, but didn't. By this time when they gave the alter call I was running towards it.

Later I moved out to Cornelius as I was working at Intel & the commute with no car became overwhelming. Up to this time I had lived in Milwaukie & Clackamas. I had tried some different churches, but did not find any where I was comfortable, where learning was taking place or where I felt supported. Then one Sunday morning in February of 1996 I walked into Cornelius Christian Church. I felt God in that place. Everyone was very warm & through the preacher & the music God spoke. It was as if every song, every message were specifically designed just for me. It was like Jesus was leaning over & whispering in my ear & it just clicked. So, I kept going.

In June of 1996 I asked to be baptised & began studies with Pastor Art Mentzer & Elder Dave Armstrong. I was baptised in Gales Creek, OR (in the Creek) at our annual church picnic on July 21st, 1996 by Pastor Art. It was so cold I don't think either of us will ever forget that rebirth. Not to mention the fact it changed my life forever.

In 1998 I became a member of Cornelius Christian Church. I served for a year in a janitorial capacity. I am also very proud to have been on the worship team about 3 1/2 years. Leading the congregation in song, worship & praise. What a blessing it has been to finally be able to give back the gift He has given me by leading others.

It was a sad thing to deal with the closing of that church. Easter Sunday was our last service. Even today God has revealed to me through the Holy Spirit what a blessing this will come to be. A rebirth in the community & even as my life has been blessed through the Lord working in this place it will be restored to greater than it once was to bless others. Many more will be healed & strengthed.

Over the last 5 years I have grown as a Christian a great deal, but know I still have a plethera of things yet to learn. In the last three years I feel God has laid it on my heart to be in ministry. I don't have a full picture yet as to what that looks like, but I know I want to help people & serve my precious Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ.

My newest journey is through Good Samaritan Ministries. I have been enjoying learning more about God's word, about myself & learning how to counsel others. Taking courses in Teacher Training, Counselor Training, Anger Management, Communication & specific groups.

My spiritual journey is far from over, as I am a living, breathing work in progress, but I consider myself a completed Jew. Coming full circle, A Jew by birthright, heritage, tradition . . . A Christian by faith, love, hope, promise & design. Through God I am chosen & through Jesus I am complete.